Happy Christmas 2016

shout out to all, Hadif Sufian's wishing a Happy Christmas to everybody out there. may your homes be filled with joy and happiness! season's greetings to all.

Ho ho ho,
little Santa.

Pumpkin picking, Halloween 2016

Typically, when Halloween month is approaching; it marks a year coming to an end. Sounds a little pathetic, but welcoming a brand New Year is worth a while. My life has been so busy and filled with lots of things ever since Hadif came into our lives. I havent even realised where did all the time have flown. Now that I'm writing this entry about Halloween, it really made me wondered about the past months. What I could say at this moment is, 2016 went by ever so briefly. Is this for real? I'm entering 2017 soon. 

And I asked myself, what in the universe have I achieved this past (almost) one year? As I was about to be carried away into deep disappointment, suddenly I heard baby's voice. My attention was diverted by the babbling sound. It was Hadif's. FREEZE. And that moment awoken me. Flashback to all memories I had earlier in 2016, they were all about Hadif Sufian. I remembered carrying him to the lectures, talks, workshops and seminars. I even brought him into the exam hall and he was the one who was with me through the hard times, kicking from inside my belly. So, 2016 was indeed Hadif's year. 

I'd be kidding myself if I don't acknowledge that this year has passed so quickly because everything felt so content, I have all the people I love with me. My life feel complete with them. I have no right to feel regretful of 2016 because it all came back to my little baby, Hadif Sufian. I come to an agreement now that I could have not achieved anything at all in this year but for Hadif actually is the reason behind all my achievements. Not to forget, my dearest husband too. 

So, lets get back to the actual fundamental of this entry. It was on the Halloween Eve last week that my husband and I brought our little Moose to the pumpkin farm, near Warrington. The journey took only half hour by train ride from Liverpool. Been living for almost 5 years in the UK (for me) and almost 7 years abroad for my husband (because he was in United States before he furthered his studies in UK), we both actually never been to any pumpkin farm before. What a shamed, I know but it was all started when we held the Mother and Father title. Parenthood really kicking in. 

Spot Hadif in almost every photos trying to grab things in front of him. He was very eager to see everything around him and simply attracted to bright colours. He positively enjoyed the moment and had a great time there. He did not throw any tantrum or make fireworks in his diaper so I guess the trip was amazing, despite he only whined for food. Hadif dan makanan berpisah tiada. haha. It was very funny at that time because Hadif was having carrot puree. People walked by us, having assumption he was having the pumpkin puree and wondered where to get some for their tots. The day was filled with many photographs taken before we headed back home. It was very tiring indeed, walking in muddy farm. 

I really hope there are other outdoor activities that we could do together with Hadif, even if its in the winter months. Hopefully, the amount of snowfall at the end of this year won't stall any activities or make the cities paralysed. I wish I could offer my son as many exposure as I could, having the faith that would help him through his milestones. Typical mother's wish? Quite so, yes. I still don't know if currently I'm being the greatest mother on earth, I'm sure it is not possible but for Hadif's world it might be possible. I pray everything will turn out fine all the way through and may Hadif grow gloriously well to be a great and wise man, just like his Daddy.

I'm going to wrap up everything now since this entry is getting to the bottom line. Phewwwh, I really really really, took ages to finish just this one piece of writing. I missed writing everything here but sometimes I just dont fine the way to sit still and begin writing my thoughts. I will try to write more, not a promise but I will, trust me. So cheers to the next entry.

dah 2 bulan tak menulis. tak ada apa nak cakap dekat sini cuma nak kasitau, rindu nak tulis. hehe.

Hadif Sufian's Newborn Session

on hadif's 7th day seeing the world, he had his Newborn Photo Session by Katejade's Photography. held in Cheshire, journey was 40 minutes away from our home. masa pregnant 30 weeks lagi dah booked newborn session ni sebenarnya. safra dengan husband dah decide untuk setiap anak, kami berdua akan hire profesional photographer untuk ambik gambar masa baby. boleh simpan sebagai kenangan, sebab newborn-look ni sekejap je. bila baby dah gain weight, tak dapat nak tatap muka baby fresh macam dalam womb.

alhamdulillah, little hadif good boy sangat masa dekat studio. he cooperated well with everyone. hadif tidur je sepanjang shooting, cuma bangun nangis nak susu. hihi. 2 kali jugak budak kuat menyusu ni bangun mintak upah susu dalam masa 3 jam lebih. hadif memang exclusively breast-feeding, jadi memang semuanya mudah bila waktu feeding. tak susah2 nak bancuh susu dan prepare milk bottle bila travel ke mana2. semoga ada rezeki untuk susukan hadif sampai umur 2 tahun. kalau lebih dari 2 tahun pun lagi bersyukur. amin insyaAllah

so below are some photos that I wish to share with you readers. saya dengan suami sangat2 berpuas hati dengan hasil kerja gambar2 dekat bawah ni. banyak orang cakap hadif muka macam anak mat saleh. hehe. yeke auntie2 and uncle2? tapi rambut hadif gelap and mata hadif colour brown je, bukan light blue. haha. apa2 pun, terima kasih untuk semua yang memuji dan mendoakan yang baik2 buat Hadif Sufian :') semoga Allah membalas segala kebaikan untuk semua orang yang mendoakan

and today, June 27th, little hadif is 1 month old. alhamdulillah, ya Allah. terima kasih atas rezeki zuriat kepada kami berdua. masyaAllah, he's such a wonderful baby. senang jaga hadif, anak yang tak susahkan mummy dan daddy. hadif nagis bila nak susu, bila tak selesa diaper penuh, bila nak orang cuddle and dukung. apart from that, hadif baik sahaja, pandai tidur sendiri and usually bila bangun dari tidur hadif observe sekeliling. hadif anak soleh mummy dan daddy. insyaAllah. 

A Letter For You

To our dearest Hadif Sufian,

Happy 1-month old, our little bundle of joy 💙

You have taught us so many things in just 4 weeks of your life. We learn about love, happiness, patience, responsibilities and so much more that we couldn't even tell.
You bring us more than a life, you wonderful son-shine.

Dulu2 masa mummy and daddy baru kahwin, kami berdua ingat hidup kami sudah cukup sempurna when we have one another. Tapi bila Hadif Sufian lahir, now we realised that awaklah penyeri hidup kami berdua. Hadif yang menyempurnakan kehidupan mummy and daddy :')

We wish you nothing but to grow up to be a fine man. To know between what's right and what's wrong, to be kind to others and have courage in everything you're going to do.
We both will always hold your back, making sure that you won't fall and with that, you know;
you're having 2 persons in this world that will love you for who you are.

Fly up above the clouds, our dearest son.
Fly up as high as you wish.
But forget not the others when you could see the world from up there.

With so much (endless) love 💙,
Mummy and Daddy

1st baby: birth experience

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

so how do I begin jotting this wonderful story? Im utterly out of words but will try my very best to share this with everyone now.

Alhamdulillah, on May 27th marked the day my dearest husband and me entered the parenthood life. I safely gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby boy, weight 3.07kg. the delivery was masyaAllah, it was straighforward- smooth and eased; never myself have thought to be the chosen one. 

Alhamdulillah ya Allah, you're the most Merciful.

Birth chronology:

8.05am
-rise & shine. pergi toilet nampak mucus plug but no pain no anything. but hey, Ive had this little instinct. husband was still half asleep when I told him "maybe dah nak bersalin. yayy"

8.15am
-had our breakfast together, the feeling was all the same like our typical mornings. makan2 and cakap2 to each other- sharing our toasts or curi each other's toasts & whatnot hehe. but during that time, perut rasa macam period cramp but still ok and tak sakit. didnt put in mind yang itu la rupanya labour contractions. the thought was- real contractions mesti sakit sangat2 (heard from most people Ive known, even own mother and mother in law). then, went again to the bathroom nampak blood show. YAYY. been waiting for the "show" for quite awhile ok. little boy dah overdue 2 hari. told my dear husband and mama cakap ada sign of labour, tapi tak rasa sakit. so they both got theirselves prepared

8.45am
-waterbag ruptured. Alhamdulillah ya Allah, ive got to experience 4 major labour signs in just an hour. ada mucus plug, ada contractions, ada blood show and waterbag pecah naturally. segala2 puji kepada Allah SWT. tak semua orang dapat pengalaman untuk rasa semua tanda2 bersalin all in one especially for a first time mum. ada setengah orang doctor yang pecahkan air ketuban. ada orang blood show saja. some others dapat rasa mucus plug saja. tapi diri sendiri dapat rasa semua tanda bersalin dan tak sakit. MasyaAllah betapa besarnya kuasaMu 

"Maka, nikmat TuhanMu yang manakah yang engkau dustakan?" Ar-Rahman

9.10am
-sampai hospital and told them midwives ada semua major signs of labour. requested waterbirth as method of delivery. dan pada masa ni baru la sikit2 rasa sakit contractions yang agak kuat dari period pain biasa. semua benda rasa tak kena hehe. takde la sakit pun tapi rasa macam perut memulas. nak duduk tak selesa, berdiri tak selesa. rasa macam perut keras pun ada. dalam hati "maybe ni la dia orang2 cakap contractions kot."
labour assessment- sweeping untuk reading dilation and salah sorang midwife cakap "ok this is an active labour, you'll meet your baby real soon and its probably to be within an hour or two."

9.35am
-the whole labour ward kelam kabut and semua midwives berlari2 and berkejar2 untuk handle situation. those other mothers yang datang awal untuk labour pun masih stall. bila sampai bilik untuk labour, nampak birthing pool yang baru separuh isi air. tengok pool yang isi warm water, rasa tak sabar sangat2 nak masuk pool. macam nak je  masuk hihi. tapi midwife cakap kena tunggu penuh dulu. sesungguhnya penantian itu memang sesuatu sangat rasanya hehe. kalau la kuasa berada di tangan sendiri, memang dah lama berendam dalam pool dan pada waktu tu la rasa nak buang air besar sangat2 haha.
"I think I feel the urge to push now."
kebetulan pulak masa tu midwife cakap heartbeat baby makin slow, so tak boleh proceed with waterbirth. bila kasitau rasa nak push, cepat2 midwife tolak masuk bilik sebelah.

9.55am
-dekat bilik sebelah, diaorang check balik heart rate baby normal. rupanya sebab kedudukan baby dah bawah sangat. maksud lainnya, little boy dah crowing. sebabtu tadi tak dapat reading kadar jantung dia. lepastu midwife tanya nak push tak? memang terus cakap nak push. hehee. waktu yang ditunggu2 sangat, sebab dari tadi lagi rasa nak push tapi sebab taktau bila boleh teran baby ni. masa tu sempat lagi tanya "am i fully dilated, is it 10cm already?" hihi. sebab macam tak sakit pun sangat, cuma rasa sakit macam sembelit. jadi takde la expect bukaan dah 10cm

10.05am
-baby lahir after 3 kali push dengan sepenuh tenaga. ingatkan  teran macam senang, tapi tak semudah yang disangka ye. haha. memang perlukan tenaga bersungguh2 hihi.

Alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Allah yang dengan nikmatnya menjadikan sesuatu keadaan itu sempurna. sakit bersalin ni bahagian masing2. ada yang mudah dan ada yang sukar. ada yang cepat, ada yang lama. apa2 pun bergantung kepada Allah yang memberi. Allah selayak2nya meletakkan kita dalam sesuatu keadaan yang mampu kita semua lalui

so, rasa bersalin macam mana?
emmm tak reti nak cakap, tapi rasanya sakit bersalin lebih kurang macam sakit handle constipation. mungkin bersalin rasa 2 atau 3 kaki ganda dari sakit constipation (ikut pengalaman safra la. lain orang lain rasa sakit bersalin. alhamdulillah bahagian saya Allah beri kemudahan) 

ada request painkiller apa2 ke masa bersalin?
masa tengah push, ada je mintak epidural. tapi semua orang macam nak ketawakan and tak layan, termasuk la husband. hehe tak baik betul. rupanya sebab kepala baby dah keluar separuh. midwife cakap epidural tak akan membantu pun sebab baby akan keluar sekejap je lagi. dan memang betul, tak lama lepas tu dalam beberapa minit dah selamat bersalin :)

my labour experience has taught me in so many ways and im truly grateful. ini bahagian Allah kepada saya. segala2 rezeki dan pemberian kemudahan yang safra dapat datangnya dari Allah SWT. semoga saya dan suami mampu memegang amanah Allah, dapat memulangkan zuriat kami kepada Allah dalam iman dan taqwa. amin ya rabbal alamin.