sebab rindu

kakak rindu. 

kakak rindu sangat. 

kakak rindu dekat mama dengan papa. rindu dekat umi dengan abah sekali. rindu dekat 4 orang penting ni. 

dah call papa cakap sejam dekat phone pun tak puas lagi. 

kalau sembang dekat phone dengan umi pulak sampai 2 jam atau sampai putus pun masih tak puas jugak.

cepatlah bulan 4, ya Allah. 

dah tak tahan sangat. 

hari hari boleh nangis kalau teringat papa dengan mama. kalau teringat umi dan abah. 

"papa, nanti kak balik malaysia. pa bawak kak makan potato spiral dekat dengan rumah merah tu boleh. lepastu nak pi kueyteow pedas tu sekali. dengan coconut shake klebang sekali. kak taknak batu berendam tapi nak yang klebang punya tau."

"ya abah selalu doakan... cam safra ni dah kira anak sendiri."

(sebaknya hati subhanallah)

kadang kadang rasa nak jadi kecik je sampai bila bila. taknak membesar. nanti hari hari boleh tengok mama dengan papa. boleh duduk dekat dengan umi abah. tapi, kakak safra dah big girl. mesti la kena merantau dan berdikari. hidup kan adalah cycle. 

p/s: papa, mama, umi dan abah take care. kakak sayang semua (nangis)

sejak dua menjak ni, hanya Allah je yang tahu yang safra is constantly being super hormornal and super emotional. emmm. i am usually a lot cooler than this, trust me. 

entri yang mungkin tidak akan memberi makna apa,

cuma sekadar untuk menaip.

cepatlah bulan empat, 

sudah teringat rumah dan Malaysia. 

Rindu. 

bring me the night

When i close my eyes,

the miles melt away

Like you're here in my arms 

at the end of the day

So bring me the night

Send out the stars

Cause when i'm dreaming,

we don't seem so far

Darken the sky and light up the moon

So that somehow you'll be here with me soon

Bring me the night,

that brings me to you

To you. 

Blackpool North Pier, Lancashire. 

nineteenth

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

alhamdulillah, ya Allah. 

Happy 19th Birthday to me. 

masih lagi panjang umur si Katrina Nur Safra. terima kasih Allah, untuk nafas yang masih dipinjamkan. kalau baca balik entri yang dulu dulu masa umur 17, saya tengah sibuk nak belajar kereta heehe. tapi birthday yang ke 19 ni safra sibuk dengan benda lain. persiapan yang penting untuk masa depan. semoga lancar semuanya, dimudahkan Allah walau sesukar manapun. insyaAllah.

masuk tahun ni dah tahun kedua sambut birthday dekat luarnegara dan jatuh pada musim winter. saya pula jenis ambik tak kisah je kalau hal berkaitan birthday, sejak belajar di negara orang heehe. last year birthday tak ada celebration besar besaran sebab saya exam, habis pukul 4pm. tapi ibu dan ayah angkat saya dekat UK sini tetap sanggup juga belikan hadiah dan buat cake coklat untuk anak mereka hihi. for they said 

"the 18th birthday shall be the greatest birthday ever in everyone's lives," 

and for that, saya juga turut berterima kasih kerana mereka lah manusia yang buat my 18th birthday as one of the memorable event in my life. tanpa mummy dan daddy, hari lahir saya yang ke 18 tak ada makna apa apa. sebab Mama dan Papa dengan adik adik jauh di Malaysia, saya pula di perantauan.

tahun ini, saya ambil tak kisah juga birthday yang ke 19. saya tak ada apa apa perasaan, sebab busy dengan belajar dan kepala lebih pikirkan hal yang mungkin lebih penting. tapi safra bersyukur sebab dikelilingi oleh orang orang yang sangat baik, yang menghargai saya dengan ikhlas dan menyayangi saya selalu. alhamdulillah ya Allah, untuk kasih sayang ini :)

maka dengan itu, sekali lagi saya rasa tersentuh dan terharu bila masih ada orang yang berniat untuk happykan saya dengan birthday surprise walaupun ulangtahun kelahiran yang ke 19 bukanlah suatu event yang besar dalam hidup seseorang. kata orang birthday yang ke 18 adalah kunci menjadi seorang yang dewasa, jadi wajarlah disambut dengan besar besaran manakala birthday yang ke 21 pula adalah kunci kebebasan kepada setiap keputusan dalam hidup, di mana segala decisions bergantung kepada diri sendiri dan tidak ada orang lain lagi yang boleh atur hidup kita lagi. tapi yeke? hihi. 

Alhamdulillah, i am really thankful for the love and everything that you've given me, Allah. 

untuk si penyeri hidup,

terima kasih untuk segala kenangan dan kesenangan. semoga Allah sentiasa melindungi dan merahmati walau di mana juga kita berada. terima kasih untuk keyakinan dan ketetapan hati kepada Allah yang satu. Alhamdulillah. 

he is Carl

as I slowly walked down The Lanes (the most-visited narrow pathways you can find in Brighton) because of hungry and was in needing of feeding my tummy, 

a guy with this-kind-of-hello-did-we-ever-meet-before-why-is-it-your-face-is-so-familiar-to-me suddenly took my attention when he threw a glance to me and started to "Hello/Hi" at me. 

twice. 

at first, he started with "Hey, ya alright?"

and I was just staring at him, giving him a puzzled-look. oh no. why did he speak to me. did i ever know him personally? 

but I didn't say anything in return to him, but took my look away from his face instead and my eyes continued to focus on scanning the halal restaurant nearby, which was only 2 min-walk from where i stood. 

and again. 

i noticed the-very same guy tried to talk to me, and he also said the-very same thing to me which was "Hey, ya alright?" a littler louder, but of course with his polite tone of his British accent and controlled in a continuous echo. 

but this time around, he made his feet walked towards me and i was like oh great. oh. my. god, what did i ever do to him. did i really ever know him before? 

i remembered he wasn't alone, he was with his friend accompanied him.  

he came closer to my frozen body (because was dreading of recognising him) and i thought i had a severe problem with my brain that it wasn't functioning so well, when i was in need of reminiscing who was he. but by giving a very detailed-look to his face, i slowly started to remember him. heyyyyyyyyy isn't he's my English teacher? awhhh he used to be my tutor, he taught me English. he is one of a man with a good heart and he is so kind to me. he is one person that helped me massively-a lot during my prep times before i entered university. 

he smiled and asked me "don't you remember me, girl?" 

katrina "oh i am indeed really sorry. i really need to apologise to you, what kind of student i am, simply forgotten my teacher." (i felt like tepuk dahi that time but girl, that wasn't cool when you were talking to your teacher so i acted like it was normal and of.course.katrina.how.can.you.say.it.is.normal.but.it.is.actually.not. haih soooo malu) 

he realised i was seeing guilted and he quickly cut off my sentences and said "oh no worries, i guess (he said something here but again. i've forgotten zzz)
but thing was, he said something funny. 

i gigled so hard and he was too. not to forget, his friend too. and oh i forgot to mention, a friend of mine was there too. so the four of us laughed so bad to his funny but spontaneous joke. 

and while he was talking to my friend, there, i talked to myself alone like an inner whisper to my heart,

WAS IT REALLY BECAUSE OF HIS BEARD THAT YOU HAD FORGOTTEN YOUR TEACHER, KATRINA? OR IS IT BECAUSE OF YOU ARE HAVING A SHORT MEMORY. 
Sigh. 

God bless your soul, you wonderful teacher. 

after that, we had a short chitchat about the football teams. spoke to him that I am not the fan of that Liverpool fc eventhough I'm staying in Liverpool and Arsenal is my cup of tea. fair enough, he insisted on saying Liverpool is the best, because he is one of the loyal supporter. haha. memories, lets just remain as you are. i miss him teaching my peers and me in class. also told him that I'm not as happy as i lived in Brighton, when Im in Liverpool now and he was then sorry to me for that. he gave his warm wishes and words to comfort me before we made our own ways. 

we also managed to have some photographs taken together. it was indeed a lovely meet up (or should i say it an unplanned meet-up, by coincidence, obviously). since then, i told myself not to forget his face, his kindness, his heart and his everything. most importantly, his ability to remember me- his student. 

when he left, i struggled so hard to remember his name. that time, i knew i was such a loser (i am a loser right now too), for I still was not able to recall his name. 

oh and slowly. i managed to remember. 

his name is Carl Harrison :) 

i quickly browsed through his name in my email and found 4 emails were stated and attached with his name and documents. i began to draft my email to him and chose the very best picture of us to share with him, and hoped i wont ever forget him anymore.

one was ultimately enough. 

so here is my email to him and also what he replied to me. 

Dearest Carl,

It was so great and lovely to have met you the other day.
Very thoughtful of you for the warm words and the fact that you remembered me, brighten up my day.
I sincerely apologise for having a short memory of recognising you, but now I can proudly say.
You are never to be forgotten. I'll keep the photo of us :)

Thank you, you wonderful teacher. 

Just thank you.
Wish you happy new year(s).
May you have a great day ahead, also many great & amazing days, months, years ahead too.

So here's our picture together.

(inserts our both-smiling-showing-teeth picture together) 

Regards,
Katrina. 

*******

Dear Katrina,

I have just returned to work today, and to find your lovely email in amongst all the other work-related ones was such a treat.

It really made me smile.  It was such a nice surprise to see you again.

I was sorry to hear that you are not enjoying uni life so far. I really hope that changes.

Take care and feel free to contact me whenever you like.

Carl

p/s: this post is made and dedicated to him in English :)

thank you for your thoughts and knowledge that you have given to me, you greatest teacher. may you always be shaded by His mercy always. i hope life offers you all the good things to fall onto your path and may He grant you "health" and "happiness" forever. 

hello 2015

hari ini, 1 January 2015.

selamat tahun baru! hehe.

semoga tahun baru ini akan lebih bermakna untuk semua.

insyaAllah. 

tapi hari ini telah witnessed saya nangis sebab rindu. tiada sambutan yang hebat macam fireworks atau lagu tahun baru untuk harini tapi air mata saya yang melimpah tahan sebak dan rindu. padahal baru je tadi saya hantar dia di train station. that feeling is just so 'wow' that i am able to miss someone so terribly, not even an hour after he left. jadi konklusinya, what a very tough first day of 2015. 

"miss you"

me: same here.

(i sound wayyy cooler here hahahaha. tapi hakikatnya. safra nangis banyak. dia pulak? tak nangis pun eeee. over betul safra ni nangis) 

so, 

this is how i say Hello to 2015.

selamat datang tahun baru 2015. although the first day wasn't really cool but i am very sure there are many exciting things are coming very (very) soon and later on. insyaAllah. 

oh and then and then, this is what i've got.

"savely home"

me: safely. not savely. zzz. 

"hahaha. saja je"

i miss you so much, you wonderful person. you are always thought of with respect, for i can't think of anyone as wonderful as you.